With all the emphasis on self-care across social media — no, make that all media — you’d think the right skincare routine could cure cancer. There’s a cleanse, a bath bomb, a jade roller, a meditation app, or a wearable monitor for just about anything. You have to drink your green juice or mushroom matcha every morning. You need eight hours of sleep every night — and better not ever look at your phone before. There are countless little rules to follow in order to feel well.
The problem is that with all this emphasis on taking care of yourself, it can start to feel like your fault when something’s wrong. If you’re feeling sick or sad or out of control, the message is that it’s your responsibility to fix it. What happens, though, when the smoothies and spin classes stop working, and you still don’t feel like yourself? Here are some signs that self-care isn’t the right course of action, and that it’s time to reach out and get professional help.
You’re Self-Medicating a Little Too Much
Society normalizes substance use as a socially acceptable way of managing feelings — the sad girl or depressed guy in movies is always drinking alone. It doesn’t help that red wine is marketed for heart health or that THC-containing products are sold for relaxation. The problem is that the fix is always temporary, and the consequences can be much more long-lasting. When you use substances for self-care, you’re only numbing emotions, not actually managing them.
What’s worse is that substance use can very quickly devolve from a way of gently softening feelings to the only coping mechanism you have. When it gets to that point, you’ve crossed the line from self-care into self-medication, and might need therapy or inpatient treatment for substance abuse. One simple way to tell is to look at your calendar or your bank app. If you’re over-spending or missing your usual activities to drink or use, it might mean you have a problem.
The Usual Tricks Aren’t Soothing Your Aches and Pains
You love to step into a hot bath with a good book and soak the stress away. Maybe you’ve even got one of those tray tables that rests across the tub and holds your tea and snacks. The hot water soothes your sore muscles and eases those stress headaches you sometimes get. The steaming mug of chamomile or peppermint leaves soothes your tummy and eases you into the evening. Whatever little aches and pains you have, they’re gone by the time you crawl under the covers.
Or at least, they used to be, but lately, it’s not working any more, and you have a bunch of random new pains. Maybe your joints are stiff, or your stomach is in constant headaches, or your headaches aren’t even responding to painkillers. Physical pain is often a sign that anxiety, depression, PTSD, or other mental health issues are getting out of hand. If your usual routine isn’t helping like it usually does, it may be time to get both medical and mental health support.
Pajama Day Turns Into Pajama Week
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking a “mental health day” or two. As long as you can get the time off from work or school, why not spend all day in your pajamas? Despite what capitalism might tell you, you still have worth as a human being even if you’re not constantly busy. If you need rest, giving yourself that time — without guilt — can be one of the best ways to care for yourself. Just learn how to notice when self-care dips into full-on depression.
Over time, spending too much time doing nothing — or not being able to do more — can become a problem. It’s one thing to feel sluggish and wish you didn’t have to go to work once in a while. It’s another thing entirely to stop getting out of bed even for your favorite activities. Just keep an eye on it: take that occasional self-care day, but notice when you’ve missed a few in a row. It could be a sign that you could use additional mental health support.
Your Binge-Watching Is Getting Out of Control
As with sleeping and resting, it’s totally okay to want to numb out with a good TV show. The trashier the better, if you like that sort of thing. No one is judging; they’re doing it too. You already pay for the Netflix, Hulu, or Amazon Prime Video account, so why not take advantage of all those episodes? How many back-to-back seasons of Grey’s Anatomy you want to watch is your business — well, you and the three ex-boyfriends with your login info.
Binge-watching to excess, however, can become a problem — typically for two main reasons. The first is that the more time you spend watching TV, the less you’re engaging with other activities, like socializing or your favorite hobbies. The other is that numbing your emotions prevents you from ever actually dealing with them. If you notice you’re doing or feeling less than usual, it might be time to start looking for someone to talk to.
A Healthy Baseline
Even if you are struggling with some or all of these habits, the problem might simply be lifestyle. If you haven’t been getting to the gym as much or eating as well as usual, that can explain pain, sluggishness, and boredom. If you’re not ready to seek help yet, you could try focusing on small changes, like taking walks or drinking that gross green juice. However, if you suspect more serious symptoms of a mental health issue, seek support right away. It’s never too early to ask.